then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
