Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
