You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
