At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Im part way to drunk.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
