can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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