Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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