Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize