This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
