At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
porn star boner night. come get it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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