fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
