We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
