I got chris browned last night
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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