He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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