Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
