Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
