so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
