I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
