I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
