If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
