HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
