I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
