the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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