2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
where am i from again
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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