Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
