I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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