It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
