Apparently you make a good broom.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
