I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
