You made me cry and you don't even care
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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