guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
