apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
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ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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