Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize