she was so not down for the gang bang
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
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I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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