He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
