Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
