Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
