don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
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ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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