you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
