Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
