I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
