I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
