am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
