You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
