I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Randomize
