I just cut my nipple shaving
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
