I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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