Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How naked do you want me to be?
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