remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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