i don't like sucking hair
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
