If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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