omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
