Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
