Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
