And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Someone came in the potted fern
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
