Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
