marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
