he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
