I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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