Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
