Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
