Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
