So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
