I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
