It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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