If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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