NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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