ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
