brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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