Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
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We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize