I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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