i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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